I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
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