you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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