I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
