He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
