i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
