I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
