he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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