I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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