i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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