Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize