Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
