Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize