I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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