Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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