i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
