She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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