YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
