I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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