I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
