My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
