her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
