On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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