The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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