every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
