It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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