Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
