It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize
