You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
