i just had sex bonerless
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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