Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
