her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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