Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
