Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
