and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
