i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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