My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
