guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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