can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize