so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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