You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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