Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
