Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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