Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
