we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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