i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
