the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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