he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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