and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
