VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
