rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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