He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
