legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
God, I missed his penis.
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