I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize