I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
