So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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