i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
