ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
