I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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