i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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