dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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