You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
