I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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