dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
