so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
