she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
being pregnant is like rehab
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
