my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Let's paint friendship bongs
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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