Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
