No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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