Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
