you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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