He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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