Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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