now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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