i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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