I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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