i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
