You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
