i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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