i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
