We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
