today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
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