wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
